Hi there. Well, lemme apologize to you a real quick. My amnesia is getting worse nowsaday, yet that one thing I wanna forget the most is still in my core memory, alive.

The thing is, another huge wound occured.

Last August 2nd 2022 was unforgettable. That exact morning, that uneasy feeling that wakes me up, I can still feel it till today. I still remember that morning, I woke up feeling unsettle and checking my phone.

 5.28 a.m.

I was casually chatting via WhatsApp with my friend, whom happened to be having to work on a morning shift so she also woke up early. Funny part is that she sent me a Tik Tok account of her friend for only us and God know why. Not even 10 minutes later, my mom knocked my bedroom door, crying, before telling me the news I still refuse to accept. It's like a sword to my ears. She told me "Mang, akek d dah nadai ( Your grandfather passed away)". 

Just like that, half of my world collapsed. My mom right after told me that, she looked at me with her teary eyes, nodded her head to clarify me that it's not a dream before closed the door and left me. It took me a minute to digest the info, before I totally lost it and burst in tears.

My grandfather, Augustine Kunjan was a very noble and loving figure to me in my 25 years of being his first grandchild. He's not that grandfather whom spoil his grandchildren with wealth, he's that home where you will wanna to come to as often as possible. He will brag and ensure every single person he met know that he always proud of his grandchildren no matter what kind of achievement it is. If that thing is his grandchildren' excitements, then it will be his as well. 

Time keep on passing by and he was getting older and lost like 30% of his senses, be it hearing or sighting, but that was fine as long as he recognized me and still wanna talk with me, I was grateful. I can tell him whatever I want without feeling judged. He will just sit there, sipping his coffee, smiling and laughing depends on my face expression while telling him sort of stuffs. I always amazed by how he was able to just go along with me, neither any questions nor interruption happened. Every single time, he would've laughed, amazed and mesmerised with my stories.

Never once, he compared any of his grandchildren between each other or with other people. For him, all of us have our very own stories. 

Now that he's no longer seen, everything is dull to me. He was the one whom taking care of my father's house, which is his eldest son. I don't know if I will be able to look at our house the same way anymore. I mean, everyday he will sit there with a cup of coffee in front of our door. That is what hurting me more because I would've join him, with my very own cup of coffee. Even silence feels comfortable when I see him, and that's when I can confirmed that I took after him. He took a big piece of my heart and let it rest in peace with him. 

I tried to convince myself that this phase will go soon. Yet, here I am still crying while driving whenever his image comes in my mind. 

I miss him, forever.